[00:00:00] Lisa: Welcome back to talent management truths. I'm your host, Lisa Mitchell in today's solo episode. I'd like to talk to you about the power of community and belonging. I've been thinking a lot about these themes lately. As COVID in the headlines, wear us down even further. It can be easy to retreat inside ourselves to put us.
[00:02:01] Isolation helmet on that muffles the world and people around us, this kind of retreating feels easy at the moment. And yet it's damaging when sustained so much so that the UK government actually created a minister for loneliness post in 2018. Bernay brown. My favorite author said in her book, the gifts of perfection, a book that changed the trajectory of my life, by the way, she said, I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued when they can give and receive without judgment.
[00:02:35] And when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship, even with our families, our built in community, we need to be deliberate about connecting beyond a surface. As in mom, where's my phone charger or hon, I need to work late. Can you take care of making dinner? My dad would often comment to me how much I was like his mom, my grandma, grace, in the way that she valued and nurtured her friendships over the years, he'd say my mother had lots of friends.
[00:03:02] Sure. But she worked at it. She spent time checking in on people, really thinking about and caring about. He's right. I do try to be a good friend and keep connected. And, you know, I gotta be honest. Sometimes I feel that down when I feel like others aren't being quite as deliberate and thoughtful about caring for me as their friend.
[00:03:20] It's not like they aren't, or they're not being caring in their own way. People are busy, we have crazy lives, but in the absence of friendly attention, I sometimes will feel momentarily, alone and disconnected. What I've learned over time though, is that when I'm telling myself the story that I'm being ignored or that my people don't love me enough, it's time to turn the page in that storybook.
[00:03:43] There are a couple of ways that helped me regain control of my own narrative. Number one, I act first to initiate contact. It's easy to say, oh, I'll wait for them to reach out. They, they, I haven't heard from them for awhile, the ball's in their court, but really it takes me. You know, 30 seconds to send a quick text with a funny photo or a memory.
[00:04:03] And that's all it usually takes. The response is always immediate and usually gives me some insight into what was happening for that person. While I was telling myself that she didn't care about me. Number two, I seek new sources of connection and inspiration. Usually this means that I reach out to people in my broader social or professional circles beyond my close inner circle.
[00:04:25] So it might be a person I'd mentored or networked with or coached ages ago. And I sent a quick note to inquire how they're doing and to share a short update of my own. The responses are typically characterized by a tone of surprise and delight that I remembered that I even thought to check in. So those responses delight me in turn.
[00:04:46] And in fact, they fuel me and my very human need for community and belonging. I'm a strong believer that we get back. What we put out in the world when I'm feeling scared or anxious or tired. And I put that isolation helmet on. I end up playing small and getting stuck for awhile. Disconnect. Yet, when I choose to do the opposite of what I feel like doing, which is sometimes curling up in a lonely ball, for instance.
[00:05:13] And I just reach out a little to my brilliant network of friends and colleagues and clients and acquaintances. I start to come back to myself. I get inspired, motivated, productive. Again. I make things happen and it feels easy. When I finally became aware many years ago of how connection fuels me, I became more deliberate in terms of how I set myself up for success.
[00:05:38] I need that fuel. So I decided to not only rely on individual connections, but also on communities of people who share a common interest or need with me a community that meets regularly so that it's in my calendar and it gives me the permission and the space to share stories, think out loud, laugh and make plans.
[00:05:58] I remember back when I was senior leader for many years in corporate Canada. And it was funny because although I spent so much time in meetings, meetings, meetings, surrounded by people all the time, both online and in person, I didn't always feel like I had an ally in the. Plus as you well know when you're an HR or talent or learning, it can be rather wearisome at times to be
[00:06:20] told.
[00:06:21] Lisa: We need you to do all this meaning works on talent, performance, and development magic, but with little to no money or time or resources always remember you're a cost center, not a revenue generator sound. Now I'm exaggerating a bit sort of, I didn't always feel that way, but there were enough times that I did where I experienced that yucky feeling of being an island stuck somewhere between the bottom line and what employees and leaders truly need to thrive.
[00:06:52] Back then to counter this effect. I worked hard, really hard to nurture my relationships with my team members and my peers, you know, to connect with them personally, not just professionally, that helped. And years later, I am still in touch with an incredible group of former colleagues. You know, people that I really enjoy staying in touch.
[00:07:14] But sometimes, you know, I just felt as though rightly or wrongly, no one really got me. No one understood my particular predicament. No one could really mentor me in my professional discipline when I was the leader and resident expert in it. Wasn't I supposed to already know how to do all the things.
[00:07:33] sometimes you wonder if you could be or should be more innovative or bleeding edge, but you don't know what you don't know and you don't have time usually to read all the latest research in cases. You need to learn. Wow. Still focusing on your big rocks at work, the priorities that are crucial to your success.
[00:07:53] There was also this perception that networking was icky. And I see that with a lot of my clients too. To, you know, at least the traditional type of networking, but everyone kept saying me included how it's critical to career success. So sometimes I would go to the occasional chapter meeting or conference for one of my HR or learning associations.
[00:08:14] You know, if the topics looked interesting, I might get a few inspiring ideas and maybe exchange a laugh with a couple of new contacts. But it was all rather surface feeling and left me with a new itch to scratch. How could I make those ideas work back home on the job in my organization. And as I was dragged, kicking and screaming back into the meetings meetings meetings, I'd say to myself, Lisa, who are you kidding?
[00:08:38] You don't have time to initiate. Follow-up networking virtual coffees with the people you met, you know, you're just keeping your head above water. And so it was. Now, I'm not trying to paint the most dismal picture ever of corporate or the 25 plus years that I spent there. I'm just saying that it was hard sometimes being stuck in the organizational middle and not having other people like me at that same level to talk about.
[00:09:04] Fast forward to when I went out on my own almost five years ago, it's called solo preneur for a reason you're on your own. All of a sudden it's up to you to do everything. Strategy sales, accounting, design consulting, coaching, marketing, graphic design website, upkeep, and so on. It's invigorating and exhausting all at the same time, a tree rollercoaster.
[00:09:28] Now I chose it. So I'm not complaining. It was a real. Major, major transitioned though. I recognized early on that, in this new context, I needed a new level of support. I met some wonderful people right away at my coaching school and I organized, initiated. A few small group, what I called coaching collaborative meetings to talk about our learning and to let off steam and get to know each other better.
[00:09:53] And they were wonderful nowadays. I still meet monthly whenever I can, with my incredible coaching practicum group from back in those school days, you know, we lift each other up through the sharing of knowledge and personal. After a year on my own though, I was yearning for more support on the business owner side of things.
[00:10:11] So I joined a women's business support group that met monthly. It was okay, but it really consisted of two hours of people giving long-ish updates about what they'd been doing and, you know, have they'd spent the previous month and it wasn't really forward-looking or inspirational. Plus I never really felt like I belonged with that group.
[00:10:32] Each meeting, I diligently come prepared with a reflection on the commitment I'd made in the last meeting and the progress I'd made. Plus my new goal for the, for the month to come. But I was often one of the only people who had actually met their stated commitment. So that made me feel a bit of an outsider let down irritated.
[00:10:52] And on top of that, each individual, there was perfectly lovely, but no one was in talent management consulting and coaching like me. So it was interesting to hear about challenges in other disciplines like retail and financial advice, but not always particularly useful. I began to feel like a chore to go, to be honest.
[00:11:10] So I left after one year next up on the search for community and belonging. I enrolled in a highly. Yearlong mastermind for ambitious female entrepreneurs. And it included a mix of training tools, community and coaching. Now this was a much better fit for me while the group of women were diverse and represented many types of services and products and backgrounds.
[00:11:35] We all shared a key characteristic. Our drivers. To become a better version of ourselves and to succeed in business. I had found the inspiration and community I needed and wanted, and the mentorship I've been missing in the areas of sale sales and mark. Fast forward to the end of that year. And I was ready for something new yet.
[00:11:55] Again, I left the program with a couple of very special friendships and lots of new tools and models to draw from. I also left with a clear desire to create my own community, to be the initiator. Once again. I decided to scratch my own itch as Tim Ferriss likes to say all these years, what I've really been wanting in the background is to be part of a special community of talent management leaders.
[00:12:20] Like me, that is more of an intense and useful experience than typical association meetings or monthly meetups. It's a place where. Relationships go beyond a surface chat and business card exchange where there's meaningful relationships with like-minded people that grow and develop and sustain me long after the program concludes, you know, a place where you can join the conversation, not just listen to it.
[00:12:46] I'm dreaming of a social ecosystem of learning where I can be the learner and be the. Where you can be seen, be heard, be understood. We learn better. Through the power of great examples and the power of doing we can no longer rely on the old approach of pausing to learn or flipping on a learning switch.
[00:13:09] Learning must be integrated into our day to day after. Those meetings, meetings, meetings still need to get attended to. And that's why I created my new foundational programs exclusively for talent management leaders. You reframed, which runs three or four times a year, and the talent trust, which kicks off in March, 2022.
[00:13:29] Now you reframed is a small coaching experience that takes place over to two, two to three months. It's focused on clarity, clarity of purpose, values, and goals. It provides powerful support through group sessions and private coaching with me. So you can keep delivering for the employees who rely on you and your.
[00:13:47] The talent trust is a year-long complimentary program. two can work independently of each other or in tandem. So it's a year long program for leaders who are ready for unparalleled and meaningful peer support, mentoring, inspiration results, so that you can implement and sustain those big rock initiatives with ease and conflict.
[00:14:09] You deserve to experience the power of community and belonging, and both these programs meet this. Now this isn't a big sales pitch here. If you're intrigued, I invite you to simply book a free clarity catalyst call with me to explore which program might be the best fit for you now, based on where you're at, there's no pressure.
[00:14:29] It's a no commitment call. I'll listen, you'll feel heard. And I promise I'll help you get new clarity about what you really want. And then you can take it from there. Don't wait to book your call though. People who enroll early in the March cohort of the talent trust will also be invited to join a cohort of you reframed for absolutely no additional cost.
[00:14:50] That is a huge bonus. My friends trust me, you can learn [email protected]. At any rate again, I'm not trying to sell you services, you don't need, but if you are intrigued and you want more inspiration, more influence and more impact this year, the communities I'm creating here will help. So, whether we chat or work together, at some point, I want to leave you with this.
[00:15:15] I know you're smart, hardworking, committed to self-improvement cause you wouldn't be listening. Otherwise you're also very likely stretched in and overworked. So if I can leave you with one thing, it's that it's up to you to take control of your situation and of your story. Only you can change the narrative to do this.
[00:15:34] You must be proactive, not reactive. You can choose to be intentional in terms of how you buoy or boy yourself, up with a sense of community and belonging. However, that looks for you, let's recap, the ways you can regain control of your own narrative when you're feeling disconnected or uninspired or unproductive.
[00:15:54] Number one, act first to initiate contact with someone you care about. Don't wait for them. Number two, seek new sources of connection and inspiration. I hope this episode has provided you with some food for thought and helpful ideas. Please send along your questions and comments to [email protected].
[00:16:15] I genuinely love to hear from you. Likewise. If you feel you could use a little help getting clarity on what you're wanting and needing this year. Book a complimentary clarity call with me the links in the show notes. We'll dig into what's going on for you right now and figure out your most important next.
[00:16:31] Thanks so much for listening to this episode of talent management truths. See you next time.
